Full Moon Antics

Holy moly, this full moon has been a crazy one. I don’t want to go over everything that’s happened - there’s too much, and a significant portion of it is still in process.

What I do want to talk about is that it is currently 12:33am and I am wide awake because I have just completed a song. It’s still very rough, but I’ve got a melody, chords, and lyrics, and - holy wow. It’s a lot. It’s something I’ve written about my mother. It’s not complimentary and is inspired by true events that she will 100% deny if you ask her about them. Or, she’ll tell you I’m being dramatic. Or anything else she can think of in the moment to make herself the victim/hero/martyr in whatever scenario she’s presented with.

I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that it has taken years of therapy, a lot of personal determination, the support of the community of lovely people I have in my life (thank you to each of you, by the way), and the willingness to work through some hard sh*t to get to the healing bits. The process hasn’t been quick, pretty, or easy. Heck, the process definitely isn’t over yet, really. But by gods, I’m healing, and it’s such a strange thing to look back on.

Sometimes, it still hurts. Sometimes, I still cry. There are times I wish I could call my mother to tell her about different life events. The problem is, that the mother I’m picturing in these lovely dreams, doesn’t exist in the form of my biological mother. There are things I have learned about her, things I’ve observed upon reflection about her, and things that - honestly - I will never understand because they’re not things I would subject any child to.

And, I think I’m at a point where I might be working on a new project. I’ve been playing guitar again - something I’ve not done consistently in a few years. I’ve been writing more lyrics, and, today was therapeutic as f*ck for me.

I don’t know if I’ll record them, or perform them, or, just save them. But, I’ve written one song, lyrics, melody, and chords.

We’ll see what happens next, I suppose.

Anyway - take care of yourselves during this full moon - it’s an intense one.

-NL