Let’s Talk Energy Vampires

After a long break, I am back! Today, I’m talking about energy vampires. This is inspired by a Youtube video I happened to see (and couldn’t find again). In it, various Tik Toks were watched and reacted to, and, in them people were talking about their encounters with energy vampires. Some cited feeling drained, tired, out of it, etc, after being around these folks. If you’ve seen one of the best shows on TV, What We Do In The Shadows, think of the character - and energy vampire - Colin. Boom. Done.

I know Lestat isn’t an energy vamp, but come on, this is a cool pic.

Also, watch Interview with a Vampire (I’m not affiliated, it’s just a really good show, but most definitely adult, so, make sure your kiddos are not in the room).

More interestingly, and in my opinion relateably, was the notion that Karens might be a form of energy vampire.

Honestly? It makes a lot of sense. If you’ve ever worked customer service, you have encountered at least one Karen. They may have yelled, screamed, acted toddler-ish, or, upon getting what they wanted, they still might be unhappy and taking it out on you and it can be difficult to not ask, why act like this? Welp, if they’re energy vamps, they’re feeding off the drama. Off the negativity, and off the sh*t storm they’ve brought someone else into. I don’t know if it’s true, but by golly it’s fun to think of Karens as energy vampires, so I’m going with it.

THE ARSENAL FOR COMBATTING AN ENERGY VAMPIRE

Sadly, garlic is not enough, friends. If it was, Karens would never be found at Italian restraunts. Sadly, it is not so easy to tango with the energy-draining adult toddlers.

ENERGY VAMPIRE 1: The Screaming Nightmare

We have met these beasts many a time in customer service. Over phone, and in person, across gender lines, these prickly monsters find the smallest reason to throw the largest tantrums. I am well acquainted myself with these beasties because sadly, my father is one such out of control, emotionally driven, blow hard. Fear not, friends! For though garlic doesn’t work on this particular energy vampire, there is one thing that is their weakness:

Staying calm.

I know, I know, I have most definitely lost my temper with such beasts myself before. As I have now wizened with age, I have learned that the key to staying calm is thinking of these monsters as if they really are small children who need a snack and a blankie for naptime. In my head, I’m going, “Honey, do you need a lil snackie?” and on my face, is a smile, because the concept of a fifty-something with a pacifier and a blankie a la Maggie from Simpsons is funny. Just saying.

Step two: End the situation.

This can be tricky, depending on whether this is a karen in the wilderness, or, one who came into your place of work. If encountered in the wild, you have the autonomy. I’ll share one such encounter with a Screaming Nightmare Energy Vampire I encountered in the wild while picking up groceries at a local place.

It was a grocery pick up, which means parking and waiting. It was a busy day, and the workers were going as quickly as they could, but each individual had quite a lot to carry out to the many cars. I parked and scrolled on my phone - as any reasonable person might. I mean seriously, we literally have the internet in the palms of our hands. You can watch shows/videos, scroll on social media, make calls/texts/whatever. You can read, you can listen to things - there is plenty to do while you wait. I settled in and waited. After a little while (like I said, they were suuuuuper busy) I hear some unnecessarily loud yelling come from the car next to mine. I turn and see the driver out of her car berrating the associate who was just trying to put her groceries in the trunk of her car.

So naturally I minded my business.

JUST KIDDING - I yelled at the energy vampire something along the lines of, “Lady, they’re super busy, calm down.”

Disclaimer: I have tangoed with the hyper angry energy vampire before, so I know what I’m doing. By that, I knew I was inciting rage, and distracting from the associate just trying to do their job.

As expected, the odius Karen looked at me and yelled with her full chest at me that it was none of my “f*cking” business.

I laughed. “It is my business because you don’t need to speak to them like that.”

She stayed on her driver’s side - a car between us - and began hurling pure spite at me.

I laughed.

My friends, should you ever find yourself wanting to see the full rage of a Screaming Nightmare like this - laugh at them. Also, please don’t do this unless you are certain that you will be safe.

The Karen was red in the face, called me a “nasty-ss b*tch” and then sped away, with the grocery drop off completed, me laughing and telling her, with full intention to have the day she deserves.

God it feels good to frustrate someone like that. Calm and humor is how you defeat these nasty foes, my friends. Calm and humor. Of course, only do what is safe for you in your circumstances. Now, at work, this is a bit different. If you’re being yelled at while you’re at work, call for backup if you can. If your workplace doesn’t support their employees, dust off your resume because you deserve a better work environment. Period.

If you’re the angry Karen and you happen to read this? I hope you’re still having each day exactly as you deserve it - no more, and no less. Also? Your days will get better if you’re nicer to service people. Just sayin’.

ENERGY VAMPIRE 2: The Miserable Ones

If you guessed that my other parent was this kind of energy vamp (or at least I like to think so) you are correct! These vampires are rampant in society. They learn early that they can get attention for always having/being a problem, and that the attention they get is worth sacrificing any hope of positivity they might have otherwise had in their lives. Boy howdy are they miserable! You may know one; you have a bad day? Theirs is a worse one. You have something good happen? Oh, well, that’s so good I wish I could have good things…and so on and so forth.

Naturally, this is when we call in the holy water and the stakes.

Okay, I’m kidding - please don’t do vigilante violence. Although if you think spraying them with holy water will work, who am I to stop you? Anyway, the best way to actually deal with these people is to assess, with total honesty, whether they are truly an additive in your life. I say this specifically about these vampires, because they tend to be the ones who will worm their ways into our lives as friends and loved ones (see Going No-Contact for more about narcissists like this and about actually going no contact with them). Be honest: do you want them in your life? If yes, then, you may want to try having an honest discussion with them. Or, you may just want to evaluate how much you want to share. Remember that you are sharing your energy with them, and they will never change.

But what about in customer service?

Oh, besties, this is where we talk about what inspired this post. The thing I now say in my head when I’m dealing with any energy vampire, but especially this kind:

Ahem, “I know what you are, I see what you’re doing, and I am not giving you any of my energy.”

I work currently in customer service, and I took a call from someone, we shall call her Karen, who was very upset about the hotel she booked. But, what could have been thirty seconds, took nearly ten minutes to tell me. Intermingled with her half complaints to me, she was treating the hotel staff at the establishment very poorly in my earshot, and finally, she says what the issue is: the view from her room - gasp! - had a view of city construction.

I’m sure you will need a minute to recover from such a horrible plight this poor woman had to endure.

Seeing what she was doing here (literally creating a problem out of nothing) I thought at her, “I know what you are, I see what you’re doing, and you may not have any of my energy.” On the phone, I nailed down what she wanted - to cancel the hotel and get a refund. I called over to the hotel, spoke with the manager (who was genuinely very nice and ready for our Karen to leave by that point) gave me permission to cancel and refund so Karen could find a hotel with a room that had a more acceptable view.

I get back on the line to tell Karen the good news. But, this is not acceptable. She wanted an upgrade to a suite for free - something that could not be feasibly accommodated for her. She then demanded to speak to my manager for doing what I’d asked her to.

I wish I were kidding. I am not. That actually happened.

And, it would be a while, but I had not changed my tone, I was still happy, calm, and all together unbothered by her demands. She might have been making her day bad, but she wasn’t ruining my day. I told her my manager would be a while, and finally, deflated, and starved from lack of drama and sympathy, she decided to hang up.

Is this always how it’s going to go? Sadly, no, but in the short time that I’ve started doing this, I’ve noticed that angry/upset energy vampires of multiple varieties either calm down, or decide whatever the issue is, isn’t worth trying to get a rise out of me. I strongly recommend saying this in your head when dealing with them. It’s entirely possible it’s a placebo affect, or maybe it just reminds my brain that I’m in control, not the Karen. I don’t know. I do know that I’m happy with the results I’ve seen, and I urge you to try it at your workplace.

HISTORICALLY SPEAKING…

Admittedly, the pic does have a link to my Amazon Associates account, just so I’m being totally transparent here.

In 1897 Florence Marryat published The Blood of the Vampire, but was overshadowed by Stoker’s Dracula. No shade to Dracula, it’s a classic, but Marryat’s work is the oldest (that I could find) that centers around an energy vampire. The female protagonist is an energy vampire, and now that I know about this book, you can bet it’s on my TBR now. This was the age of spiritualism, so vampires, and energy/spiritual workings were all over the place. In fact, there are spells we can find today that are about protecting oneself from energy vampires (sometimes called ‘psychic vampires’). In Judika Illes’s book, The Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells, the following is recommended for dealing with energy vampires:

• Rosemary tea, a strong concoction of rosemary can be consumed to help heal a psychic vampire’s draining. You can also add rosemary to a bath, if you don’t want or like the taste of rosemary in tea form - it is reeeeally intense.

• Black tourmaline and labradorite supposedly able to provide a shield of protection for the wearer or bearer. Meaning, keep it in your pocket, wear it in a necklace, or whatever, and it’ll help protect your energy.

In summation: protect your energy, don’t let Karens/energy vampires/etc getcha down, and, maybe watch What We Do in the Shadows because it’s hilarious, and no, I’m sadly not endorsed by them or by Hulu.

Tosha spends her days slaying energy vampires with her mind with her trusty familiar Maverick by her side.